a few minutes with laura arnold

Q: How long have you been a marriage and family therapist?

LAURA ARNOLD: I’ve worked with clients since 1995. I’ve been in private practice since 1999.

Q: What is therapy?

LA: I’d say it’s a collaborative process - my job is to ask the kind of questions that help people draw conclusions for themselves which will create a shift in their lives.

People come to me when something’s not working. Something doesn’t feel right. They’re either very sad, or frustrated, or they’re angry, or they’re doing something that’s not working for them and can’t see an alternate way of doing it.

So, in this collaborative process, we go back and forth. Because, obviously, the change they make has to be congruent for them. I could just say, “Don’t do it your usual way. Do it this other way.” But I don’t do that.

We talk about what would work for them and what would be a good fit for them and how does it feel to change. When they say, “Well this is the way I’ve always done it.” My response is usually, “Well, how’s that been working for you?” They typically say, “ Umm, not too well.” So, once they realize that, they’re kind of open to doing things differently.

Here’s a concrete example of what therapy is: clasp your hands together. Release. Now reverse which thumb and fingers are in front and clasp your hands again this new opposite way. How’s that feel?

Q: Weird.

LA: Weird, but not painful. It’s just creating a shift that’s different. It’s a different way of doing something. Theoretically, at the end of therapy, you’re now clasping your hands the new way automatically. That’s what I want people to know. It’s not this horribly difficult way of doing things. It’s just a shift. Eventually, it starts to feel as comfortable and familiar as the old way.

Q: Ok. What is therapy NOT, that people often think it is?

LA: Therapy is not advice. It is not telling people what to do. It’s not typically a quick process and it’s not typically a fast fix. Nothing magic happens here. YOU have to do the work. I can’t do it for you, as much as I’d like to.

Q: What’s the difference between therapy and life coaching?

LA: Both deal with change, and issues may overlap. Many therapists, myself included, use coaching as part of their work. But therapists are required to go through an extensive training and licensing procedure, and are qualified to assess psychological disorders. I earned my Masters in Clinical Psychology at Antioch University (I also have a Masters in Communication from NYU). I put in 3000 hours, passed my written and oral exams, and got licensed. Coaches, though they do valuable work, have no such requirements. They are not licensed or registered with any regulatory agency. So, though a therapist can coach you, a coach can’t and shouldn’t give you therapy.

Q: What should one consider when choosing a therapist?

LA: The most important determinant in the success of marriage and family therapy is the fit between the therapist and the client. Unlike many marriage and family therapists, I like my initial conversation with a prospective client to last a good 20 minutes. So we can both gauge the fit.

Q: Anything else?

LA: Sure. If you think therapy’s not for you, you’re probably right. If you’re determined that it isn’t going to work, odds are it won’t.

But if you go into therapy, it’s not an admission that you’re wacko. Some people still believe there’s a stigma attached to therapy – a stigma to admitting you need help. I think it’s courageous to make that decision. To open yourself up to another person and be willing to entertain the idea that maybe there’s another way to do things. Or look at things.

Obviously, if you could fix it yourself, you would. If your stereo’s broken you can tinker with it and tinker with it. But if it’s important enough to you to have that stereo working, you’re eventually going to get help. There’s no stigma there. “I need help with my stereo. Oh no! I’m a terrible person.” People don’t take that same care with themselves.

Q: What do you consider your specialties as a therapist?

LA: I’m really strong with couples. I’ve never had a couple stay with me, do the work, and not improve. I’ve had couples bail when the going got tough. But the ones who stayed have all experienced positive change. In addition to couples therapy, I also specialize in grief, personal growth, life transition, self-esteem, and depression issues.

Q: What inspires you?

LA: Just seeing the people I work with benefit. It’s so gratifying.

Q: What should someone know about your style?

LA: I’m very direct. I’m very caring and very compassionate, but I’m also very direct. And I do use some degree of humor, when it’s appropriate.

Q: Is there a particular school of psychological thought that you adhere to strongly?

LA: Not exclusively, but I do use a lot of Cognitive Therapy in my practice. The basic premise of cognitive therapy is: “It’s not an event that has meaning. It’s the thoughts that you attach to the event that give it meaning for you.” It’s not exclusively what I use, but it’s a lot of what I do, because most people have some cognitive distortions.

Q: Is there anything else you bring into your practice?

LA: Everything else is pretty eclectic. I pull a little from several other theories. Sometimes I go back into childhood, just touch on that some, to see the relevance it has today. Mostly, relationships we’re in today have some connection with our past.

Q: But it sounds like your work stays pretty focused on the present.

LA: Pretty much. That’s another common misconception. That therapy is focused on the past. There is a strain of therapy that does that. But that’s not what all therapy does. For the most part, I’d say maybe 10% of what I do touches on the past, because we can’t change the past. That’s our “given”. My work mostly focuses on what do we do now, and where do we go from here?

(310) 850-5666